REAL Women- Survey Says: Survival of the Prettiest- Natural or Social?

   When I pose the question, "Natural or Social?" I'd like you to consider that I am referring not to an abstract definition of "natural."  Often times we refer to something being natural with the assumption that whatever is natural is generally pleasing and acceptable.  In this context we must refer to natural in its base definitions:  existing in or in conformity with nature or the observable world; unthinking; prompted by (or as if by) instinct.  
Perhaps we're reminded of this by the original word and it's suffix:  nature-al, or having the characteristics of nature.

There are an increasing number of scientists who argue that appreciating beauty is not learned, but rather is a biological adaptation. For the sake of this column, let's assume that micro-evolution is fact.  That is, that independent of your opinion of the origin of the world,  it is WELL-established that there are biological changes that happen to species based on adaptation to their environment. 

Possible Discussion:
1. Do you believe that biology rather than anthropology provides the base of what we as a society consider beautiful? Why?

2.  Should we as a society in general place more or less emphasis on beauty as it relates to ACTUAL physical fitness/health? Why?

Comment within the blog or make your response HERE.  

REAL Women 1.1 Survey Says: Rules & Privacy

   

  I'd first like to say thank you if you choose to share your opinions and your heart with me and other women.  I believe that paramount to receiving REAL honest information from women requires guaranteeing security of their information- privacy.  

I WILL NEVER REVEAL THE IDENTITY 

OF ANY CONTRIBUTOR 

WITHOUT HER 

EXPLICIT PERMISSION 

TO DO SO. 

Identity Details:

• In order to be able to refer to everyone as "another woman says..." or "someone feels like...",  The name "Bella" will replace ALL first names.  Call me cheesy, but I like the idea of using the name "Bella" (beautiful) for all contributors.  I'll call myself Bella Mama simply as the parent/author of the column. 
• If you'd like, you're welcome to choose  and inform me your own designation, i.e. "Bella Blue",  "Bella Biker", "Bella Bookworm".  It doesn't have to be an alliteration like I'm apparently fond of above, and it doesn't have to be the same every time.  If you'd like, you can also choose what I call an "advice-column" name, such as "Bored in Boston",  "Desperate in Denver." (There are those pesky alliterations again.)
• If you choose, you may at any time identify YOURSELF in commentary. 
• If you somehow guess the identity of another Bella and share that information with others, you will  immediately be banned.
•  If you have resources/advice/similar experience you'd like to share with another Bella I have referred to but do not want it shared with everyone, you may contact me allowing me to share your offer with HER.  I will contact her privately asking if she'd like to speak.  If she declines,  you will not learn her identity. 

REAL Women 1.0- Survey Says: Purpose

The purpose is to have a cross-section of REAL women to survey on various issues with results being used as research for a regular "column" on my blog. 

Joining in doesn't mean committing to answering everything every time, I'd just love to have a large group of ladies to weigh in on anything and everything they feel compelled to. 

Do you ever wonder if you're dealing with something rationally or if there's some kind of "girl-brain" mental block that is making things more difficult?

I'm also hoping this "column" gives you a forum to anonymously pose a subject/question that I will ask to the "community" at large, posting the responses as I'm given permission. 

Speaking of permission, I'm referring to protecting your privacy. I have a structured plan for gathering and sharing information- I'll post that soon.

Laura's Super-Duper How-to Guide for Having a Non-Bridezilla but "All-Yours" Wedding Day.

Are you tired just from reading the title? Yeah, well, brace yourself because I'm verbose. This post started as a "quick note" to a friend recently engaged who asked a totally unrelated question of her FB friends.

   After a while I realized HOW much I had written and that I might look like an obsessive, crazy, bossy lady if I sent it all to her. I also wondered if anybody else might have interest in this kind of content for future events. Therefore, I hereby post my comments for all to see. Friends' names have been removed to protect the (somewhat) innocent.

   You have your own friends and family that will be involved but I had so much FUN that I have to share some thoughts. I felt like before getting married, everyone gave me tips on how to do this, that, and the other thing for the wedding. Nobody gave me ANY ideas on how to make it “ours” and have the most FUN with it as the celebration of our marriage, not just an impersonal “wedding”. Riding away in the limo that night, Mike and I both remarked at how laid back things were but how much FUN this celebration had been. I hope that makes sense.

   I LOVE event planning and SERIOUSLY nerd out about our wedding, cost-savings on weddings (if that's of interest), and how to get and keep things running smoothly. I acted as wedding-day manager/planner for two other dear friends. It was even suggested that I try my hand at it professionally, but I'd much rather do this for fun than make it work.

   Average cost for a wedding in Denver/Metro is around $35,000 plus honeymoon. We did ours for right around $10,000 INCLUDING honeymoon, but we didn't care about a lot of fancy minute details/decorations as much as some folks would. I totally understand that, but tight-budgeted as we were, we had a PHENOMENAL day that I have NO regrets about (personally OR logistically.) =D

If you're going to splurge on ONE thing, splurge on photography.

   We love love LOVE our wedding pics, still up in my FB pics if you want to see and/or check out some of the details I’ll talk about later. A lot of people are hiring a videographer too- that’s just personal preference.

   Make sure you find a photographer that you can buy the rights from. When a photographer takes pictures at your wedding, even though they’re YOU, the photographer owns the copyright to those files and images. If you buy “full rights” you will receive a cd/flash drive with all your digital files, with unlimited rights to print, re-print, etc. If you don’t you’re not allowed legally to make copies of any of your own pictures. Any time you want any of them or order some for family members you’d have to pay the photographer their inflated price for prints. A lot of photographers are now either including the “buying rights” in some of their packages, or they will do it as an add-on. We spent almost a third of our budget on photography alone, but it was SO worth it, and in the end we saved a LOT of money not paying print and copy fees.


   Also, buy disposable cameras to set out. Put a well-loved and lovely petite Greek friend in charge of taking pictures with them and making sure others do too. Ok, so not everybody gets to have a “Dora”, but it was still pretty awesome and we got to see pics of a lot of candid moments we didn’t witness.

People can’t tell the difference between real and silk flowers. Really.

   If you look at our pictures, we had NO real flowers. I’m not even “Lutterman” crafty and neither is mom (Kati is) but we had no trouble at all putting together all the bouquets, corsages, and boutonnières for under $200. That’s less than the cost of ONE bride’s bouquet from most places. This also made life a LOT easier, we didn’t have to worry about keeping fresh flowers cool, watered, etc. We made them up well ahead of time then tucked them away a box and didn’t have to think about them during all the last-minute preparations. If you go this route, my best advice is to start cutting out pictures of all the arrangements you like, but be flexible about the exact “background” flowers and take a little time visiting craft stores finding ones that you like.

   If you want real flowers and don’t mind simple arrangements, my best friend ordered orange and pink roses, baby’s breath and greenery from CostCo. She picked up the day before, and we all sat around assembling everything the night before. It was FUN, and they turned out beautifully!!

You’ll save a lot of time/frustration if you

don’t assign seating at the reception.

   People start making demands about who they do/don’t want to sit by, you have to worry about others that you just generally know don’t like each other, etc. Plus, the “small” cost of stationery cards is one of the things that add up really fast. Instead, reserve (still unassigned spots) tables up front for family, and everyone will naturally group with the people they want to sit with. This worked great for all 3 weddings I worked on.

Ceremony- Do it YOUR way. It’s way less stodgy.

   We are NOT pomp-and-circumstance kind of people. We had a lot of fun writing our own ceremony, choosing what music we walked to (Mike’s entrance was the Indiana Jones Theme).

  The ceremony itself included inside jokes and way more detailed promises we wanted to make to each other than “in sickness and in health…” etc. If you have any interest in seeing ours as an example, I’m happy to share.

Eat, Drink, and be MARRIED!

Eat well and HYDRATE, HYDRATE, HYDRATE

  Don't skip ANY meals the day before, and especially not breakfast the morning of. You’ll have much more fun and feel great. I know a bride who didn’t eat or drink much because of all the excitement, and didn’t take the time to sit down and eat her meal at the reception. She was dizzy, nauseated and she fainted on her wedding day. A few times.

Wear comfortable shoes.

   If you have beautiful heels to wear with your dress and can't bear to wear sneaks the WHOLE time, at least change for walking around at the reception.   Your feet will thank you in the morning, and you won't be hobbling around like a granny as you take off for honeymoon adventures. I LOVED my Skechers, I even decorated them.  My feet were comfortable all day long, and the only reason anybody even knew is because I showed them.

Find Someone Bossy. Mind you, find someone that is diplomatically bossy.

   Put her in charge of ALL "problems" and general logistics on the wedding day. Not drinking enough water? Have her go get you a glass. Caterer doesn't know where to put the cake? She's their gal. Getting a headache? Have her grab an Advil from your day-of emergency kit. (Hmm, I sense another post about Kit contents coming on...) This requires some pre-planning so they know your preferences including, "If ____ goes wrong, I want _____ to happen, but anything else, who really cares (?)..."

Random:

I rented three goats to “give” to Mike as a dowry at the rehearsal dinner. It was hilarious.

Don’t let people change your plans tell you

how THEY want it done if you're not ok with it.

Even if they’re paying.

   If they play that card, tell them that you that you’d really rather have things the way you would like them on YOUR day and if they disagree you appreciate them but you’re happy to pay for ____ yourself (and be prepared to.) We had to do that with a family member and our photography. In that case, we wanted GREAT, not cheap.

FOCUS!

  Arrange everything so that the last (at least 4) hours before, you don’t have to “accomplish” anything. Delegate all the last minute stuff to your bossy friend and take your time getting ready. (Or hire me as a day-of coordinator! (kidding. (kindof. If you wanted to, I'd only ask for travel cost and meals.))) Take a quiet moment to sit down by yourself and write your last “single” note to your hubby-to-be about an hour before the ceremony starts. It's a calming, directed pre-game ritual. Give him the note later.

Go for a Walk...

   After the initial exit post-ceremony and dismissing people, go for a short walk with the photographer. I loved it as a quick get-away for a few minutes of peace and quiet just TOGETHER immediately after becoming husband and wife, and that time produced some of my favorite pictures. It was private, calming and intimate before the excitement of party time.

...But Don't Walk TOO Much.

   Don't worry about walking around making sure you're greeting EVERY person at the reception. Enjoy yourself, mingle naturally and leisurely. People will come to you, and if they don't it means they don't want your special day to be too hectic.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Things will go wrong. Enjoy the DAY, not the details.

   The tux place messed up Mike’s measurements and his tux pants were about 6 inches too short before he scooted them down his hips as much as he could. I didn’t know (and didn’t care) until about a week later. Other things went wrong. I don’t remember what anymore. Get the picture?

FINALLY,

Have FUN!

  I snuck over and faux-hawked my nephew’s hair after my sister put gel in it. She was ticked. Jonathan and I thought it was mad funny and I made her leave it for the wedding. Do it all your way.

The House That Cleans Itself

Keep your home twice as clean in half the time by learning to adapt your house to fit your behavior. If you're tired of wrestling with messiness and disorder in your home, then it's time to consider a new approach, think outside of the box, and use creative problem-solving to get a handle on the clutter and dirt. Follow Mindy's fun and encouraging step-by-step plan to convert your home into a house that practically cleans itself.

Yeah. Right. I was staring at the bookshelf in one of my favorite stores, trying to decide which of my shortcomings was most urgent- which of the "womens'interests" I should tackle first. This book practically jumped off the shelf at me. Ironically, after such a dramatic start, it sat on my bookshelf at home for MONTHS.

A week or so ago, hubby and I were lamenting AGAIN at how messy our house always is, so I started reading. As I started reading, I realized that this may actually work for us. The one thing that struck me most was that the author claims that some people are natural neatniks, while the rest of us spend our lives fighting the mess, feeling embarrassed. Somewhere along the way, we convinced ourselves that cleanliness was a sheer matter of self-control and virtue of character- which we didn't have. She works from that place of self-deprecation, and addresses some of the mental and emotional roadblocks we may have to overcome before being able to re-structure. From there, she teaches how to organize your household AROUND your messy habits to make the house work for you.

From the first chapter:
"The House That Cleans Itself (HTCI) System begins by leading you step-by-step through a home-evaluation process. By taking a fresh look at familiar spaces, you will be able to define the various behaviors and habits that tend to create clutter, mess, and dirt throughout your home. Conventional housekeeping experts might say that once you know what the problem behaviors and habits are, you can change them. But I contend that if you COULD change those behaviors you WOULD have done so by now. In fact, you’ve probably tried and tried in the past and ended up disappointed and frustrated with yourself and/or your family members.

The HCTI System, however, shows you how to change your HOUSE, often in creative and clever ways, so that behaviors are no longer an issue. By adapting the ENVIRONMENT to compensate for and/or eliminate the BEHAVIOR, your house will stay clean longer and with less effort than you ever imagined.

Finally , my system shows you how to maintain lasting change- again, not by forcing you to develop new habits or behaviors, but by anticipating and circumventing your natural inclinations toward mess from now on.

If you follow the system from beginning to end, faithfully doing each step, when you are finished your house will stay cleaner day by day and your cleaning routine will be faster and more efficient than ever before. Best of all, these things will happen in a way that at times feels so effortless you’ll think your house really is cleaning itself!"

This is our journey, and I'm going to take you along for the ride to see if it works for two truly messy humans and two messy dogs.

Keep an eye on us along the way...

Soli Deo Gloria

To God alone be the glory. It's such a simple, beautiful statement. I think this could just about summarize the "action" portion of our existence. This concept has been recurring in my life.

Among other things, our current sermon series at church is entitled: "The ONE thing."

We allow our lives to become so cluttered with every other THING that may be happening in our lives, or perhaps it is material THINGS and the stress and effort we put into attaining them.

With such a simple statement, why can't we toss the chaff of life up into the air, letting the breath of God BLOW it away, leaving only the precious kernels of wheat that remain and fall to the ground?

My opinion: we're control freaks. This is most certainly true in my life, as I continually find myself opening and closing the doors in the house that represents my life- maybe a closet here, a front room there, some attitude I don't want to give up or a worry that I can't seem to hand over.

Perhaps we'd do well to try to remember the simplicity of our faith. with child-like belief, turn over to Him the struggles and stresses of daily life and simply sit on the blanket as if our Creator was having storytime and we are free to simply drift off to sleep in His presence.

The five solas of some of our faith-forefathers:
Soli Deo Gloria- To God Alone Be the Glory
Sola Fide- By Faith Alone
Sola Gratia- By Grace Alone
Solus Christus- Through Christ Alone
Sola Scriptura- By Scripture Alone

(un-)Thankful Thursday

That which we take for granted is sometimes that which we should be most thankful for. (Laura Weimer, 2009)

Today's post actually stems from my own ungratefulness. Several weeks ago, I was having a bad day/week at work. While complaining to a dear friend, she replied simply, "Be thankful you HAVE a job." At the time, I was a little bit peeved. I wanted her to focus on MY selfish complaining, I didn't want to be corrected. Besides, I wasn't concerned about my job security. They NEEDED me, or so I thought. Weeks later, now among the ranks of the laid-off, I realize how selfish I can be.

Today, I'm thankful for employment. More specifically, I'm thankful for a hard-working husband that can support both of us until I'm able to find another job, and I'm thankful for the job that God will provide next, in His time.

I'm also thankful for friends that will kick your attitude's butt when you need it.

What are you thankful for today?